Tails of an Angry Lab Rat

The Dose Makes the Poison, Redux

2012-02-28T12:28:00.001-08:00

I recently finished reading "The Poisoner's Handbook" by Deborah Blum. The stories of murder and corruption in Prohibition-era New York makes for an enthralling way to introduce the science of poisons to the masses. More importantly for me, however, is that this book is a journey into the beginnings of forensic toxicology and a testament to the increasing need for public health welfare (both then and now).

The protagonist is a public health crusader in the form of New York's first legitimate Chief Medical Examiner, Charles Norris. Norris also fought tirelessly against corrupt government bodies of the Tammany Hall era. Sadly, the same struggles are faced by scientists today: Science and scientists are constantly undermined in the public sphere by government officials trying to push their own agendas and pander to their corporate backers. Fear and emotion-based arguments (as opposed to fact-based) are used to discredit scientific work, most of which are made by those who are not at all qualified to comment on its validity. Most lawyers and politicians do not have the skills required to correctly critique scientific data, just like I, as a scientist, wouldn't be able to adequately critique other technical jobs, such as that of a surgeon or mechanic.

Regardless, by the end of the 1920's, forensic toxicology gained recognition as a validated science that proved useful in law enforcement. Additionally, certain chemicals started to be regulated and banned from use, thanks in large part to Norris and the work of his meticulous toxicologist, Alexander Gettler. In the wake of Walter White and Gale Boetticher, Gettler's type A personality and devotion to sound science is not only understood but admired. After all, Mr. White's fastidious adherence to protocol produces the best product out there; the same can be said for Gettler's exacting methods used to inform some of the earliest, canonical studies on carbon monoxide toxicity as well as levels of ethanol intoxication. Not only did it produce the best results, but his repeated testing reiterated the certainty behind his results-- a hard case to argue against when used as evidence in court or to push for policy change.

Walter White and Gale Boetticher, Breaking Bad, Season 4

Here are a couple notable take-away points from this deliciously informative novel that reads like a murder mystery:

1. Quit trying to poison people. Many failed to get away with it in the 1920's and today's modern instruments are exponentially more sensitive and accurate in identifying extraneous toxic substances in the body.

2. Regulation is important! Yes, government-sponsored, scientifically sound regulations that monitor and decipher levels of toxic substances in our food, consumer products, and environment. Without them, something like wood alcohol (aka methanol, methyl alcohol, CH3OH) would be an acceptable additive to drinking alcohol (ethyl alcohol). Of course, this is only a problem if you are averse to going blind or subjecting to an early, unpredictable death after having a few at the bar.

3. For those of us in Public Health: Don't give up. It's exhausting and you can't do it alone, but it is possible to influence policy change down the line. Engaging the public and informing them to the dangers of environmental chemicals is essential to any real change ever happening. So, when you have some time out of the lab (?), be sure to work on those communication skills.

MadLabRat, PhC

2012-02-13T15:51:00.000-08:00

Some wonderful news from the past week: I passed my Oral/General Exam!

This was a huge relief and a great feeling. I'm so happy it's over. I'm now officially a PhD Candidate. The last 4 years? I guess slave, underpaid worker, or plain old graduate student was the appropriate title. I celebrated with some good food, better friends, awesome Girlfriend, and some karaoke.

Fig. 1

As for the exam itself, it went well overall. I had prepared and practiced my presentation profusely, and I believe it paid off. I received several compliments on the layout of my data and project aims in its accessibility to the audience. Always a good thing to hear. Advice from this experience #1: A clear presentation (bullet points and plentiful images) allows you to successfully communicate your ideas to a broad audience and prevents confusion. This last point may seem obvious, but in academia, even the slightest bit of confusion may offend certain professors' sensibilities, resulting in angry ape-like behavior (see Fig. 1).

My committee was a bit more aggressive in dwelling on certain aspects of my project, aspects I didn't expect to be the focus of discussion. That was another major take-away point for me here, and for anyone preparing for such an exam (where anything is fair game for the panel to ask/discuss)-- you really never know what points will flip the switch in certain people's minds and lead them to focus on something specific. This is why it's important to think carefully about how you say things, what you choose to say, and perhaps, to get to know your committee members a bit better before the exam. I am definitely guilty of not engaging them sooner in this process, but I'm not going to get into the reasons for that here.

Even though I felt I had some sort of answer or talking point about anything that was mentioned, in some ways, I felt I somehow came up a little short in my committee's eyes. I'm honestly unsure how accurate my personal assessment of this situation is, seeing as I did pass after all. But for me, if it's not A's across the board with a glowing record of achievement (which you don't often receive in grad school), it's obviously a failure. Maybe my best advice, then, is to steer clear of the PhD track if you're a perfectionist at heart.

General Exam Crazyness

2012-01-31T13:55:00.000-08:00

It's coming! My Oral Exam is rapidly approaching-- February 10th!

Needless to say, things have been insanely busy. Really. Most days involve waking up to babbling Baby Girl at 7:00am and it doesn't stop til I hit the pillow again that night. Even so, I am making a lot of progress and being productive, which feels great. Proposal is written, revised, and sent out to the committee. This was a ton of work but I've admittedly learned a lot through this whole process of reading and digesting literature. If there is anything to be said about this whole stressful endeavor is that preparing for this exam is incredibly useful (unlike the written exam we work our asses off after our second year, full of knowledge that most of us never use afterwards). Lab work is often routine and monotonous; it's easy to feel like you're not really an 'expert' in anything besides pipetting. In reading so much of the current (and past) literature, I feel like I finally have some ownership over these content areas. Plus, my thesis is now about 2/3 written.

Currently, I'm working on my presentation and analyzing some more experiments I completed a couple weeks ago. I am genuinely interested and -gasp!- excited about the results. They've proven useful for my presentation thus far, so that's a plus.

Woo! Almost there. Seriously cannot wait for this to be over.

Jet lag

2012-01-04T14:49:00.000-08:00

Any tips for re-adjusting an infant to their normal time zone after 2 weeks on the East coast (3 hrs ahead of Seattle)?

Any other suggestions?

Baby Girl's been having a tough time of it. She unintentionally adjusted to the East coast schedule; by the time we left she was going to bed around 8PM. Now, she's exhausted by 4:30/5:00 PM here and waking up at strange, frequent intervals. For C and I, this means waking up twice before the final wake up call around 6:30 AM... I feel like we're back to the first month all over again! Exhausting. Hopefully, she'll catch up soon....

I'm Tired and It's Only January 3rd

2012-01-03T15:00:00.000-08:00

Happy new year! I hope 2012 is looking bright for everyone, I wish you all good things in the new year.

So far, 2012 is looking to be busy exciting. On the agenda: I have my General Exam scheduled for February 10th! I'm happy to finally have that on the calendar. I've met with each of my committee members individually and have mostly positive vibes coming from them, which is great. Something the whole process did make blatantly clear, however, is that I really should have started meeting with them a whole lot sooner (meaning at least a year before I did...). Outside input-- separate from your advisor-- has proven to be incredibly valuable for both my project and my psyche.

Sadly, for many of us in my program, engaging your committee in your project construction is this nice fairy-tale idea that is not actually encouraged. If anything, one gets the feeling that it's frowned upon until you have a clearer idea of your project.. more "preliminary" data... in my type of lab work, however, by the time you have this data, half your project is completed. Kind of negates the whole idea of having other bright minds contribute to the formation of your project and ability to give you feedback on your PROPOSAL... you know, prosed work? At this stage, it's no longer proposed; it's done. And there's really not a whole lot of time left to change your approach to address concerns from committee members. Perhaps we, as grad students, could be "more proactive," but it seems that even when students try to push, unless your PI is on board and supportive, it's futile.

Anyway, ranting aside, it's scheduled and I can't wait for it to be over! January is looking super busy with experiments and proposal writing/studying for the exam. SOT comes around again in mid March in San Francisco (woo!). The most exciting news: an abstract was accepted for a poster at an international conference in Paris in May!! I'm on a mission to find funding to support my travel, I'm optimistic that I'll finagle something. I've been aiming to go to an international conference, and this one is perfect-- it focuses on environmental stressors in the origins of disease. Plus, it's in Paris :) Wish me luck!

Babies = Disease Vectors

2011-12-01T15:31:00.000-08:00

I'm on to my second cold in two weeks. I was happy that I didn't give Baby Girl my cold last week, but I'm sad to see it doesn't work the other way around: I caught my newest cold from her. Immunological properties of breast milk: 1 Me: 0.

The Air Up There: Taking the Fumes out of the Dreamliner

2011-11-29T11:33:00.000-08:00

Check out my post on The Bill Nye Effect about Clem Furlong, an awesome researcher in Medical Genetics at the UW who does some interesting Toxicology field work with toxic fumes on airplanes.

While you're there, read some other postings on our blog!

Vicious Cycle

2011-11-15T13:46:00.001-08:00

Like politics, research funding, and most everything else, life in the lab seems to run on a cycle. All of the visuals that come to mind-- a pendulum swinging left to right, the peaks and troughs of sinusoidal waves (or a roller coaster, for the less geeky)-- accurately describe the highs and lows of life. Sadly, the commonality of such patterns doesn't make the lows any easier to bear, nor the highs any more lasting.

Things were going well in the lab, and I guess overall, still are. Unfortunately for my sanity, there are still a few outlier experiments that should be working and aren't. And, as in the past, I have no idea why. This is the vicious cycle of lab research: knowing something is wrong but not knowing what it is, which makes it impossible to fix, and ultimately dooms you to repeat the mistakes. Until, perhaps, something magically changes. (Laugh if you will, but it's still the only explanation I have for my experiments beginning to work correctly back in March.)

I feel like a broken record saying all this, but it's so head-slamming-against-the-wall frustrating that I can't help but vent about it. Positive vibes are welcome these days, send them with care to the angry little lab rat.

I feel you, cat.

Feeling the Crunch

2011-11-01T13:50:00.000-07:00

I'm having trouble deciding which time crunches in life are real and which are self-inflicted (and likely unnecessary). In my head, it's all about the next thing that has to be done, and it has to be done ASAP. No exceptions. That nagging voice telling me to work faster and walk quicker just doesn't quit. Maybe the academic environment is responsible for this: you're made to constantly worry about not producing enough data, or not fast enough (what if you get scooped?). What if your funding runs out? Many aspects of these things are not controllable, so the one thing that is-- your productivity-- becomes the main object of obsession.

I'm feel like I'm always late, and I'm unsure how important that date really is.

I walked out of a lab meeting today and was immediately stricken with a mix of anxiety and panic. My presented progress was sufficient this time around, so I left relatively unscathed. Regardless, my brain switched to scheduling the next 2 months+ of my lab life the instant I finished discussing my data. No matter how much progress I feel I made, or how hard I had worked in that past month, I ALWAYS walk out of the meeting overwhelmed by how much more I still need to do. Is this me being too hard on myself, or is this really just the reality of being a productive worker? When do you get to the point where you feel like you were productive enough?

For someone who really likes to strike a line through such things, mentally and physically, these lingering loose ends are guaranteed to induce panic. With the nature of lab work-- tedious, relying on cells to grow over the course of days and weeks-- I can't just rush to my desk and bust out the work that needs to be done. I am forced to sit and plan, and work for weeks to finish even one more experiment, one that may work to my benefit...or it may end more tragically (See: cell contamination). It's a horrible lesson in patience that I'm really tired of learning.

Women in Bio

2011-10-25T14:26:00.000-07:00

Another great organization for networking with some powerful women in the biotech world and related: Women in Bio.

I went to one of their networking events last week and really enjoyed talking to so many successful, interesting women in the sciences. I tried to make some initial contacts and hope to see some of the same faces again. Especially for anyone on the East coast, this is a great org with some fun events. Check it out!

'Contagion:' Wash Your Hands

2011-10-24T11:36:00.000-07:00

"Blogging is not writing. It's graffiti with punctuation." -Dr. Ian Sussman (Contagion)

For a rare night out, C and I went to see 'Contagion' this weekend. The film is frightening because of the subject matter, and jarring in its realism. It's straight-forward almost to the point of dryness, but for most people, uncontrollable viral epidemics are anything but. I loved it. 'Contagion' presents a situation in which a global epidemic occurs due to a series of random and completely plausible events. An unknown virus spreads rapidly through simple contact: touching surfaces on the bus, or sharing a bowl of peanuts at the bar. It's amazing how many things we touch that are in turn touched by millions of people. And then, as Kate Winslet's character points out, we go on to touch our faces some 2,000 times a day(!). Kate's character, as an aside, is sexy because a) she's Kate Winslet and b) because she has an awesome job at the CDC.

What I liked most about the film was its frankness, the reality of it all. There was no ridiculous drama, only understandable reactions of hungry, scared people who were left to fend for themselves due to lack of resources and a shut-down society. Government agencies, like the CDC, are portrayed as practical and even heroic (for once!). The reality of over-worked scientists and the fallible nature of even the most imposing leaders (Fishburne) were highlights in this aspect.

The characters are varied and excellent as well. Jude Law, for instance, plays the conspiracy-theorist, armed with a blog and millions of followers. He is not paranoid. He's smart, but distrustful of science and the government (as many are). His arguments are understandable and shared by many. Unfortunately, with the power of the Internet, he is able to convince people of an effective, alternative treatment for the virus (that's eventually disproved by science), and likely dissuades thousands of people from getting the vaccine. This character exists in real life. They truly believe in what they are saying and doing, and they reach A LOT of people who trust them. Look at what happened with the one misconducted study linking Autism to vaccines (data was forged, sample size was incredibly small, etc.) became popularized. Thankfully, it appears that Jenny McCarthy has since removed her epithets condemning vaccines and the government for requiring them.

For fellow lab rats, 'Contagion' hits all the right spots in its portrayal of lab science. Science is not magic. A vaccine to an unknown entity takes time to be developed. When they first try to make a vaccine in the movie, the virus kills every type of cell they put it in. Trial and error doesn't even begin to describe it. But, the look on the scientist's face when she realizes she does it-- she created a vaccine-- is priceless. It was that remarkable moment when the base-pairs align and your body fills with triumph. She quickly realizes that she needs to test it in humans immediately and, even in emergency situations, some clinical trials would have to be done before approval for mass use. Putting science first (in true devotee fashion) she injects herself with the vaccine. I wanted to cheer for her.

From the origins of the virus to its capacity to spread, the moral of the story was a true testament to the Public Health field: please, remember to wash your hands.

Is race influencing funding opportunities? Look closer.

2011-10-22T12:57:00.000-07:00

Cross-posted from Secretlivesofscientists's Weblog::

Interesting commentary on the disparity of blacks funded by NIH grants. Thanks for using your analytical skills outside the lab, Em.

Communicating Science

2011-09-20T13:54:00.000-07:00

Exciting news! I am going to be taking a course in the fall dedicating to 'Science Writing for Impact.' It is taught by a local freelance editor and journalist, and will focus on learning to express ideas and thoughts on science in a clear manner for the general public. Besides actual writing exercises and assignments, there are some guest speakers (local writers, etc) set to come throughout the quarter.

I'm really excited about this class; I've been looking for a formalized atmosphere to learn more about the world of science writing, which can be quite different than other types of writing. Living in the world of science research requires a knowledge of what is rightly seen as its own language. There are terms and words used in science that otherwise may not even exist or have very different meanings in other contexts. It is because of this-- the fact that much of scientific research is published in a highly academic and seemingly indecipherable manner-- that some important information often never reaches the people to whom it can be the most useful. In public health field, communicating the science that is being done and the results of such research is extremely important; the work we do is directly linked to the health of people, and understanding this information is necessary for people to protect themselves and their families.

At the very least, it will be a nice change of pace to break up the lab routine. It probably won't hurt for networking either. Otherwise, things are going ok. It's that time for the SOT abstract again, this year it's in San Francisco! Woot.

Yeast

2011-08-31T13:41:00.000-07:00

It's good for this:

Not good for neurons and cell cultures, which end up looking like this:

Yeast contamination: Biotechniques.com

Gah!

DP01_Day 11-- Baby Data to Date

2011-08-20T17:20:00.000-07:00

The long awaited arrival of Baby Girl has finally come (appx. 11 days ago)-- August 9th, 2011 = a little bundle of awesomeness.

Day 0

Day 5

I've been out of the lab for 2 weeks enjoying and adjusting to parent life and the new ~~slave driver's~~ baby's schedule. It's been great and exhausting. She sleeps in about 2-3 hour intervals on a 24-hr schedule. It's like a continuous time-course experiment; I collect diapers instead of cells and treat with milk instead of pesticides. It's tough during the nighttime. I have some trepidation about starting work again next week because I feel it will be tough to actually get up to go to work when what I really will need/want is at least another 2 hrs of sleep. Unlike a true time-course, however, at least I'm not sleeping on the (disgusting) couch in Roo. [Ask me in a week if I have been napping there during the day.]

Overall, though, things are going well. She's just so damn cute that it's hard to hold anything against her, even at 3am. For awhile we were charting her every move (diaper changes, soiled diapers, feedings, you name it). This made me feel useful and productive, hitting all the right lab-notebook-esque spots for me to chart the experiment's..er.. baby's progress. As expected, she's doing wonderfully-- gaining weight, eating well, and being super cute. C is also feeling well, better and more mobile every day.

Future directions for this project:

Continue to feed and change baby at regular intervals
Watch baby grow
Squeeze baby for being cute and observe response

Rants, Raves, and Babes

2011-07-21T15:12:00.000-07:00

Firstly, I'm hating Seattle today. This weather is crap. Yeah yeah, I know most of the country is suffering from an unbearable heat wave, but really, 60 degrees and raining is NOT ok. Nor is it acceptable to be called "Summer." It's shit, and I'm frankly tired of wearing the same clothes from November of last year. Someone please tell the rest of the country to share their weather and we'll gladly give you some of our cooler winds.

Thanks, Wordpress.

Now that that's out of the way.. the baby is coming oh so soon! August 8th marks the long-awaited arrival of little Lady Peanut. I'm excited and nervous, but mostly just ready to try to tackle this parenting thing instead of simply anticipating it and driving myself a little batty in the process. I've always been much better at handling a situation rather than the anxiety that comes with thinking about it.

Onesie decorated at the Baby Shower. Awesomeness.

News from the lab is in the theme of 'mediocre on the verge of greatness.' Some experiments have been working out rather well these days, yielding results that I expected to see and in a lovely, clear fashion. Yay! +1 Other experiments, of the Western blot persuasion, not so much. It's kind of a mixed bag with Westerns. It's amazing how you can do the same exact thing, with the same exact antibodies, on two different days and come out with two different results. I'm not even talking different trends in your results (although, that is worthy of throwing things out of frustration). I'm talking about having absolutely nothing show up on your blot. Nothing? Why? Are the proteins shy that day? Do they not want to get out of bed? Where the f*ck did they go? Ah, the reliability of Science.

Savage Love

2011-06-17T14:02:00.000-07:00

Last night, while eating pizza at Big Mario's (surprisingly good and the closest to NY pizza I've found out here), I saw Dan Savage. I gave him some grated cheese for his pizza that he was looking for. He said "Oh, thanks." That was all. I didn't geek out and say hi or something dumb like "hey you're Dan Savage" (I'm pretty sure he knows who he is). But, to me, he is somewhat of a celebrity, so it was exciting.

Yay Seattle! Also, please check out the It Gets Better Project, created by Savage, contributed to by many, appreciated by so many more.

Animal Crackers

2011-06-15T13:34:00.000-07:00

I really love animal crackers. They are delicious. They also have a surprising amount of protein (4g/box) and calcium (20% DV/box). Just to be clear, I'm talking about the REAL animal crackers, the ones in the little red box with the string (the Barnum's Animal Crackers, not the other ghetto crap you buy in a giant tub).

Fig. 1. The real deal (not to be confused with a box of real animals).

I also have very fond memories attached to animal crackers. And I don't mean something like when I was 5 and my grandparents always had animal crackers for me, nothing lame like that. One time in high school (not band camp), my good friend and I wandered into a CVS late one night and decided to buy all of what was left of the animal crackers in the store. It was the first and only time I've ever bought everything of anything in a store. And believe you me, we ate them all. ....Ok, maybe still lame, but it was exciting at the time.

I have noticed, however, that many of these crackers are in the shape of animals that really don't belong in the circus. Barnum is famous for his circuses and the box leads you to believe that this is what you're getting. But sheep in the circus? Really Barnum? I mean, I know it's been a long time since I've been to the circus, but how lame that would be to have sheep there. And what is a poor child to do now when they go to the circus expecting to see sheep. Camels? I guess they're debatable. Spitting animals could be entertaining for some. The elephants and bears make sense, even the gorillas, but I think you need some help on re-learning which animals actually make an appearance under the big top. On occasion, I'll also find this unidentifiable animal, one I used to refer to as "the shaggy dog," for lack of a better guess. Perhaps this is one of the carny's dogs that come along on the circus tour.

Maybe we can suggest some animal changes to Barnum. Any thoughts?

In other news, the lab is boring/frustrating/a black hole of misery these days. I'm hoping the lab gods remember our saluting them and they continue to bestow their blessings on me... maybe they are just on vacation or a vengeful streak.

Fig 2. GlaDos from Portal

Eat, Sleep, and Breathe

2011-06-01T14:19:00.000-07:00

The other day I was walking home from my usual bus stop after a wonderfully long day of sitting in the little dark microscope ~~box~~ room and had to do a double-take at the graffiti on the floor. I immediately thought "oh, look, a neuron!" Regardless of its multiple (beautiful) dendrites, it was, in fact, not a neuron. On second look, I don't think it was even an intentional graffiti, merely a splatter of spray paint next to some inane tag.
This is not the first time this has happened. I see neurons on bumper stickers and glial cells in art work in restaurants. (Actually, I'm still pretty convinced that last one really was an abstract version of neural networks, but who knows). Am I obsessed? Maybe I'm more haunted by my work rather than obsessed. Perhaps, it's a nice unhealthy mixture of both. I suppose all good scientists are somewhat consumed by their work, that they see cell types in cloud formations, or mechanisms in their dreams.

Nevertheless, it reminds me how hopelessly geeky I am. But, never fear, little scientists, we are not alone. Tthe ever amusing author Mary Roach (author of 'Bonk,' 'Spook,' and 'Stiff' to name a few) speaks to this quite nicely in her intro to 'Bonk:'

"I am obsessed with my research, not by nature but serially: book by book and regardless of topic. All good research-- whether for science or for a book-- is a form of obsession. And obsession can be awkward. It can be downright embarrassing."

Halleloo!

2011-04-19T12:37:00.000-07:00

Please excuse my extended absence. Apparently, I'm not very good at keeping this updated when things are going at "bat-shit crazy" speed. Here's a brief recap of what's been going on in my life since February:

1. SOT was awesome! How great it is to see this expansive world of science and toxicology outside of this hole I live in, here in the lab. It is so easy to forget why I am putting myself through all this; seeing all this other research and successful professionals really excites me. I was totally nerding out over things like new methodology and mechanisms in neurotox, but I also was cherishing the connections I was able to make. In any event, drinking and going out to jazz clubs with various professors didn't hurt either. Perhaps by simply incorporating people from industry and government into the mix, the science world was given a personality and a human-ness that's severely lacking from my within academia.

2. Peru was, as expected, fantastic. I really can't complain about sunny, 85F weather. It was super relaxing, spent time on the beach and ate a lot. The wedding was great-- a lot of fun, beautiful ceremony at sunset over the water... as you can imagine, it was incredibly difficult to return to rain and lab-slave life.

3. Girlfriend and I also found out the sex of the baby (due in the beginning of August)-- it's a girl! Really amazing, and scary at the same time. Girlfriend is already worrying about her getting pregnant. I'm still worried about changing the diapers. Hmm...

Fig. 1. Baby Girl at 20 weeks. She has fingers and hands and a nose! Yeah!

4. Lastly, things in the lab have actually started to turn around!!.... !!! I am slightly hesistant to really celebrate just yet because I still am only half believing it to be true. I am sort of waiting for the other shoe to drop and for things to go horribly wrong.... I'm pretty sure that won't happen, but really, I have no idea what to expect with my work. I can't tell you what exactly changed, but the experiment I had been doing with little success has finally worked. In addition, the results are showing surprisingly drastic differences between my treatments and controls! To that, I simply have to say, Halleloo! (Please refer to Figure 2 if this saying eludes you).

Fig. 2. Shangela from RuPaul's Drag Race on LOGO. Halleloo!

If you haven't already, please watch RuPaul's Drag Race for some pure entertainment in the form of America's Next Top Drag Superstar. These chicas are sexy. Til next time, 'echa pa'lante.'

Grad School Made Me Blind

2011-02-03T10:21:00.000-08:00

I want someone to do a study (or, actually, several studies) on grad students working in labs. Here are some ideas so far::

Repetitive Stress: No, I'm not referring to the chronic stress from advisor expectations or the constant disappointments. The ergonomics peeps should study repetitive stress due to pipette use, or overuse as the case may be. It's a legitimate problem I worry about.

Fig. 1. The scariest looking lab worker pipetting something colorful (generally not the case).

Blindness: I'm pretty sure that sitting in a dark room for hours staring into a microscope, scanning for and taking pictures of fluorescent-glowing cells is likely going to cause long-term damage to my perfect vision. Prospective cohort?

Fig. 2. Approximate size of and light availble in the room containing the microscope.

3. General measures of sanity. I think this might actually be ongoing in certain departments-- the attempt to monitor stress and its effects on certain health outcomes. I believe one was related to cancer, actually... Imagine that headline when the study reaches mainstream media-- "Scientists say, Grad school gives you cancer!"

In Better News

2011-02-01T11:02:00.000-08:00

Because my last post was oh so uplifting, I thought I should put a quick new note to state that things are not as miserable as they seemed last week.

The microscope is up and running..good enough for me to use but still with issues, so I'll tread lightly. I'm still in the process of optimizing this new assay, but I am hopeful. Aside from the 12-hour time point deal, it's a fairly simple and easy assay for which I can store my samples and do it as I please. Flexibility is always nice.

As for new data, the results from the latest experiment were a bit different than what I had previously seen (of course). The need to potentially switch directions on my project is still to be determined. Let's all cross our fingers that this doesn't have to happen.

In other news, Girlfriend is pregnant! I'm pretty sure anyone who actually reads this knows this by now, but as this blog follows my life both in and out of grad school, I think this is a relevant and important detail. Now the goal is to do my oral exam before mid-August or else I'll be competing with a newborn for prep time. Eeek! :)

Fig. 1. My reaction to Girlfriend being pregnant. Or, future baby.

Speaking to that end, in more good news, I have officially formed my disertation committee. Yay! Now I just need the data and I can make some progress.... 'Till next time.

...Annnnd We're Back.

2011-01-20T10:45:00.000-08:00

I've been back from my Christmas break for a couple weeks now and have been trying to hit the ground running in high gear, with an optimistic attitude towards my work. At least, that was the initial intent. I know exactly what needs to get done between now and the beginning of March (primarily in preparation for the annual Society of Toxicology meeting-- in DC this year!), and I'm trying, desperately, to start moving on those things. Of course, like always (it seems), no matter how hard I try to be proactive, forward thinking, and prepared, things NEVER seem to work like they are supposed to. And please, spare me the "metaphor for life" because this is not life-- it's Science! It's SUPPOSED to be a controlled environment where you can manipulate variables for scientific purposes. Liars.

Read: Despondent: adj, de·spon·dent [ di spóndənt ]

1. Extremely unhappy and discouraged

*Warning* Lab ranting ahead:::
So far, the microscope I use to photograph and thus analyze all of my cells for the most important part of my project, is broken. The guy in charge cannot figure it out and it has since been 'sent out' to be repaired. Trying to stay ahead of the game, I decided to find another way to get my work done. So, I found another micrscope center to use, was trained to use it, and now... am waiting to simply be put on a list in order to sign up to use said microscope... I cannot tell you how frustrating this is.

I've also started a new assay for a different aspect of my project, one that promises to be more consistent and reliable than the dreaded ROS assay. The downside is it invovles a 12-hour treatment, which there is really no good way to go about. I was in the lab around 8:30pm last night making a buffer, and even such a seemingly simple task-- putting different things together in a tube-- somehow failed. A particularly pesky reagent (SDS) failed to dissolve appropriately once combined with other stuff. After some failed attempts to change the pH, I remade a simplified version of the buffer and had some success. Overall, I'm pretty sure the buffer was not good and the samples will likely be a waste. But, at 11pm, you stop caring about such things, and you just go home.

Now, with that said, I am still, somehow, trying to be optimistic about this being a better, more productive year in the lab. Mostly because it just has to be. I'm in a sink-or-swim type of stage in my career here. Or, at least, that's the way I see it. This goes beyond the semi-unrealistic expectations of my advisor and well into my own expectations for myself... expectations I am currently not meeting. And that is what is truly depressing.

Merry Christmas! Love, ROS Assay

2010-12-16T17:13:00.000-08:00

Many of you who know me know that I have been battling with this horrible and unreliable assay in the lab for over a year now. I have gotten some useful data, but it was messy, and I have been trying to get "just one more" experiment to help the statistics (good science, right?) for about 6+ months. [Note: The assay measures ROS = Reactive oxygen species produced in response to exposure to a chemical, like pesticides in my case]

Well, ladies and gentlemen, IT FINALLY WORKED!

Fig. 1. Me on 12/15/10

I won't quite say that I'll never have to do this assay again, because that's likely not true. And I also won't say that this means it will work consistetly from now on. BUT, this did work correctly after I changed some things and eliminated some steps, which is very promising for future use. YAY!

In other news, it's almost Christmas! I love Christmas. I am flying home to the family on Tuesday and I'm super excited. It's always a little crazy and stressful seeing all the fam, but Christmas always makes up for all that. Especially Christmas Eve and the 95464575 types of fish we have (ok, more like 6 or 7), but it's definitely my favorite holiday ever. It also helps that I get to see my neice and nephew (one who just turned 4 today! and the other who is already walking around, respectively), and my step-sister whom I haven't seen in over a year! Please refer back to figure 1 for approriate emotional response.

I'll try to keep everyone updated a bit more now that this quarter is over (and that dreaded Biopharm class is complete).

Merry Christmas, happy holidays, and much love (from me, and the ROS assay).

Because she is fabulous

2010-11-16T13:37:00.000-08:00

"And, you know, politics aside, the success of Sarah Palin and women like her is good for all women—except, of course—those who will end up, you know, like, paying for their own rape 'kit 'n' stuff.' But for everybody else, it's a win-win. Unless you're a gay woman who wants to marry your partner of 20 years—whatever. But for most women, the success of conservative women is good for all of us. Unless you believe in evolution. You know—actually, I take it back. The whole thing's a disaster."

-Tina Fey, upon winning the Mark Twain Prize for American Humor on Monday.

In other news:

The Kinect (for Xbox) is awesome.
I'm in a major lab funk.
I can't wait for Christmas (except, I can, because of the absurd amount of things that need to get done before then)
This biopharmaceutical class is driving me batty.

A wee bit of panic, a large dose of stress

2010-11-04T16:11:00.000-07:00

Feeling a bit like this guy today:

I just was informed that I have to prepare a presentation and data to present to the next meeting (Dec. 3rd) for my training grant. Initially, I wouldn't go until next May, but they suddenly rearranged the list. A long way off, you may say. WRONG. Wrong, mostly because the way things work with my work and in this lab these days, a month might give me one or two usable experiments. MIGHT is a key word there. Without more data, I've really nothing new to show for myself since the last meeting in May. That is pathetic, and it will only seem as such in front of some important people. Gah.

I'm also working on this big project for that Biopharmaceutical Development class I previously mentioned. The class is super interesting, still, but this project is a beast and we had pretty little direction on how and what to do. Basically we are just designing a whole plan for testing and developing a new drug (ours is an bivalent antibody for use in Chron's Disease and other Inflammatory Bowel Diseases (IBD)). Pretty overwhelming.

In some better news, the contamination seems to be gone.. for now. I guess that's a good start.

Wake up call

2010-10-27T11:35:00.000-07:00

Girlfriend's mom is visiting for a while. Awesome perks about having Girlfriend's mom here for extended amounts of time include (but are not limited to):

1. I get to practice my Spanish.
2. She often cooks at like 7am to make us lunch for the day.

Today, however, there was a little mishap in the cooking process and the fire alarms started blaring at 6:30am. Talk about waking up in a panic.

Alas, it was just some smoke from frying up some chicken, but poor Doggie was NOT happy about this. He really hates the fire alarms and proceeds to shake in fear after they subside. No one was hurt, though, and there were no flames to be put out, which was great. Although, it really made me consider having an escape route since our room is on the third floor and the kitchen on the 1st... we need one of those ladder things that hook on to the window and allow you to escape:

Kidde Fire Escape Ladder

Not that a townhome would have this anywhere, but buildings in Seattle are never like this:

I'll let you know when we have our first fire drill.

Contamination 7, Lab 1

2010-10-26T12:18:00.000-07:00

We've been having serious contamination problems in our primary cell cultures for the past two months. I can't do any of my experiments without my astrocytes!

Cool astrocyte (not mine).

It's winning and it must be stopped.

Obama-rama!

2010-10-23T17:57:00.000-07:00

Guess who I saw on Thursday?! That's right, you astute readers, I got to see President Obama speak at the University of Washington campus on Thursday in support of Senator Patty Murray. I think his official plan in Seattle was to discuss women voters and federal spending, but it always helps to tell people to get out and vote.

The line around the Heck Ed Pavillion was crazy long and I didn't think my friend and I stood a chance at actually getting into the arena, but persistence and waking up early paid off! We had seats and they were not too shabby either.

View from our seats

We love digital zoom

His speech was very good, as usual. He's generally an excellent, charismatic speaker, who actually sounds intelligent when he speaks (refreshing). He had this analogy that I've heard he's used in a few other places about a car being driven into a ditch by the republicans. It was a pretty spot-on analogy, stating that the Dems are in the ditch pushing the car, and the Reps just wave from the sidelines, saying 'no' when asked if they'd like to help. And the kicker, Obama says, is now that the Dems finally made some headway and got the car up and out of the ditch, the Reps want the keys back! Pretty perfect.

So America, when you want to go forward, as Obama so nicely pointed out, what do you do with your car? You put it in D, not R. GO VOTE!!!

Obama at Top Pot donoughts.

"Fearlessly ask stupid questions" - H. Stewart Parker

2010-10-19T16:09:00.000-07:00

I've found a new woman to add to my "awesome women to admire" list. (When I actually come up with that oficial list, I'll let you know). H. Stewart Parker, the founder and former CEO of Targeted Genetics, recently spoke a bit on "Targeting Biotech Success" in my class on biopharmaceutical product development. The class is awesome mostly because of all the really interesting and successful people from local biotechs etc. that come to lecture on the subject for the week.

Parker is considered somewhat of a pioneer of the biotech industry since she rocked a start-up (Immunex) when the whole industry was really nothing but start-ups and Genetech (circa 1980). What I really liked about her was her demeanor and her work/life philosophy. She has this eloquent southern accent which makes you feel like she's both about to sit you down to have a stern "come to Jesus meetin" and offer you some sweet tea and a seat in the shade.

Some of what she talked about in her lecture revolved around what she called her "Genes for Success." Some of the more notable genes include: the Unabashed gene, the fearless, the marathon, the fundraising, and fun-raising genes. Besides this being cute and clever, it was SO refreshing to see a) a successful women who really worked her way up from entry level to CEO in the industry and b) someone in that position of power who also values (and finds vital) personal sanity, emotion, and passion to their success in life. (Plus, "the marathon gene" is kind of essential in most aspects of life, especially in the endurance challenge that is grad school)

Besides advocating for asking 'stupid' questions, she adds that being "unabashedly optimistic, naive, and emotional" is essential to learning everything you need to know in order to move forward on a given task, and are all attributes she includes in her personal success story.

Why does this make me feel like danzig, you ask? Because, in my opinion, the culture of academia and a lot of Science/Industry/most jobs in general is one that does not look kindly on those who ask 'stupid' questions, lest you be admitting some sort of doubt in your work or intelligence (nevermind the fact that asking said questions usually leads to progress when searching for or understanding the answers). Because including emotion in your work is apparently one big "no-no," since letting yourself be affected by criticism about something you pour all your efforts into on a daily basis is somehow seen as weak or inappropriate.

It's just really nice to see someone who manages to balance those things. I'm getting better at thickening my skin (somewhat) and taking criticism in stride, but doing so while trying to maintain my inquisitive and often outspoken sense of self is not always easy. The degree to which one must keep an air of certainty at all times here in academia is really difficult for me to comprehend. To know that maybe it's not neccessary to do that ALL the time is reassuring. Hats off to you, Stewart Parker.

"Caps for Sale: A Tale of a Peddler, Some Monkeys and Their Monkey Business is a 1938 classic children's book by Esphyr Slobodkina. It's a sly take on the saying, 'Monkey see, monkey do.'" -Wikipedia
"And is awesome."- MadLabRat

Intellectual Ventures

2010-10-14T15:33:00.001-07:00

In efforts to network, since it's all the rage, I try to be an active member of the Association of Women in Science (AWIS). They are actually a great national organization with many local chapters across the country, spanning a variety of disciplines in the STEM (science, technology, engineering, and math) fields to promote and foster networks of women in science. I have gotten to do some volunteer work with young girls in science through them, as well as get to meet some interesting (and potentially useful) people at their networking events. Hopefully some time in the next year, I'll be editing for their magazine and getting some experience in the writing world (experience outside of this glamorous blog, of course).

The most recent event was last night at this company called Intellectual Ventures. As their website touts, they are a company that works to promote and participate in 'inventing.' While the company has their own state-of-the-art labs and do some 'inventing' in-house, they tend to take on a lot of projects from others to perfect, prove, and patent their inventions. It's a pretty cool, relatively new company.

Hbar/2

2010-10-07T16:18:00.000-07:00

It's been a pretty boring week here in the lab. The upside to this is getting to listen to the awesomeness of "The XX" station on Pandora. The Xx - "Islands"

Other than the week being boring, it's been relatively unproductive, much to my chagrin. Some cells I had to image ended up looking pretty shitty, if existent at all. This is frustrating on many levels. For one, these experiments take about 2 weeks each, and (why don't we ever say "for two"?) also because I am actually really curious to know the results of these experiments. Their results could be potentially exciting and make me -gasp!- want to do more experiments! Imagine that... interest in my work.

Aside from this being a pretty normal occurrence-- things not really working-- I really have a hard time deciphering when experiments "don't work" (meaning something legitimately goes wrong: conditions were unfavorable, etc) or when I did something wrong. This uncertainty is maddening because unless it's an obvious mistake or blatant contamination of the cells, it's very difficult to tell if I'm truly just a 'bad' lab scientist or these assays/protocols are imperfect. While there's an excellent chance the latter is true (as most human-made things are far from perfect), I can't help but feel like I am doing something wrong or not seeing something that I could and should change. If I can't figure it out, then I can't change it, and I keep repeating the same mistakes.

How is this cycle productive? I don't know if it makes me feel better or worse that this is a seemingly normal feeling for most lab-based graduate students.....

See:

and

The not-so-veiled reference to the Heisenberg uncertainty principle in the title of this post is because I feel like that principle comes up in life a whole lot. My interest in quantum mechanics sprouts from a great professor of physical chemistry back at UMass, and for a love of the duality of electrons (or anything). Perhaps that's a Gemini thing.

Anyway, without delving into details, the principle says it is impossible to simultaneously determine certain pairs of physical properties to a high degree of acuity. There is a limit to how certain you can be of these two things (momentum and position of a particle/wave, in PChem) at any given time. While this is not really what we're talking about on a macro scale, with life or experiments, I feel it's relatable. I often feel like it's impossible for me to know much with a high degree of certainty. I'm skeptical and somewhat doubtful of everything, as I'm someone who likes to analyze everything. There are times when this is a good thing; scientific progress, for instance, requires these traits. And then there are times when it's disastrous-- like when I'm too doubtful of myself.

So, how much doubt is healthy skepticism, leaving room for analysis/improvement..and how much is just flat out hazardous to one's sanity and respectable self-assurance?

The Blessing of Old Friends

2010-10-04T08:12:00.000-07:00

Curly Lauren came to visit this weekend! It was fantastic. We did a lot of things like this:

As well as rode the ducks and ate a lot. Lauren and I love to eat a lot, so that was enjoyable. She also got to watch me "do science" a bit on Friday, which she seemed to be pretty excited about. It's nice to be able to show (read: impress) people with my lab skills and fancy shakers and pipets. This works especially well on those X-files-loving ladies who actually know what a centrifuge is from this show. Nice :)

Speaking of doing science, I'll leave you with this awesome video with the award-deserving song from the finale of the X-box game Portal. Click here: "Still Alive" -GLaDoS

"But there's no sense crying over every mistake.
You just keep on trying till you run out of cake.
And the Science gets done."

Lather, rinse, repeat

2010-09-30T12:49:00.000-07:00

It's amazing how much of wet lab research is mundane routine. In general, research is incredibly tedious and slow. And very often, you don't find something groundbreaking and revolutionary. I wish more people understood this. My father, for instance, repeatedly asks if I "discovered anything yet." This makes me feel like this:
I forgive him quickly because he doesn't really get it, and that's ok. But, you would think that 3+ years later, he would understand when I explain it to him for the 50 millionth time why it doesn't work like that. It would be nice for others to understand the nature of lab-based research and what goes in to a single experiment. For instance (and not all experiments are like this, it's usually discipline and project specific), ONE of my experiments on primary neurons [brain cells harvested from an animal, a rat in this case] takes me about 2 weeks from start to finish. Or, the fact that hundreds of experiments need to be conducted in order to 'safely' (read: with as little uncertainty as possible) make a conclusion about anything.

Sadly, simply saying something is 'bad for you,' or causes problems for human health, is not satisfactory for government-implemented policy. Years and volumes of data indicating a problem are needed to combat the use of whatever it is (i.e. industrial use of certain chemicals, certain pesticides, etc). This usually results in going down rabbit holes to prove inane points of HOW exactly this thing is bad for you. Research funds and man-hours are wasted on experiments necessary to find the smallest amount of a chemical that will not cause adverse effects ("Acceptable Daily Intake" of certain food additives, supplements, or even pesticide residues on foods, for example). Instead of eliminating the contaminant, industry waits for more time to pass with these studies and new policies to pass before they're ever expected to change.

I think some of the most important things I've learned in this program are about the politics surrounding the policy and decision-making towards anything public- or environmental-health related. It's quite amazing how little priority either of those two things get in this (and most) country(-ies). I love learning, but many times,the more I know, the angrier/sadder/more frustrated I become. I find myself envying the oblivious and ignorant, which is an interesting conclusion to come to when striving for 'higher education.'

Eureka?

2010-09-29T14:00:00.000-07:00

I realized this morning that I will not be any good at this blog thing unless I have a focus. At the risk of it turning into one giant rant, I decided this is going to be my outlet for all things grad school and lab fun related.

Really, I was thinking about all the times I've put some random grad-school-related phrases into Google in a bout of frustration (i.e. "Grad school makes me feel stupid") with the hope that some links pointing to sage wisdom and helpful advice would pop up. Believe it or not, there are several things that do show up, and some are even helpful. Many times, they are simply blogs and ramblings of former graduate students, many from within the sciences. It really helps me to see other people thinking and feeling the same things I am while trudging through this strange world in which its very easy to feel stuck.

Maybe, one day, this site will come up on a Bing search by a desperate grad student, and their day might be that much brighter.